Phillis The Whale

Things happen here...

the-dragons-thoughts:

Imagine finding a dragon egg one day, and it hatches in your house and thinks you’re its mom. Then the next morning you wake up and find this mini dragon has gathered all the lose change and shiny objects in your house in a pile, and is gnawing on a nickel. And then when you take it out for walks, it picks up every coin it sees cause its a hoarder. And your house is eventually full of coins. And you are rich. And have a dragon.

sassy-spoon:

When friend is clearly upset but they don’t wanna talk about it but you wanna help but don’t know how and you just kinda

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nippled:

2009 me was very wary of akon

chillatthedisco:

do u ever turn the volume on your music up until u reach the perfect level of ah yes i cannot hear anything else and it feels like a big warm hug

(Source: emofairies)

(Source: ohyeselifresh)

bagellie:

benefits of being friends with me

  • shitty jokes whenever you ask for them
  • shitty jokes whenever you don’t ask for them
Guy in my class:
Sir, what if we had a gay P.E. teacher? That'd be bad because he'd be looking at all the guys in shorts.
Teacher:
You're assuming that all gay teachers are pedophiles.
Guy:
Well...yeah.
Teacher:
Carl I absolutely promise you that NO ONE in this school wants to have sex with you
anthropology0:

snazziest:

thehumorplace:

Haha why do people even try this kind of stuff?

so that natural selection can do its job

Is this the science side of tumblr?…..

anthropology0:

snazziest:

thehumorplace:

Haha why do people even try this kind of stuff?

so that natural selection can do its job

Is this the science side of tumblr?…..

deanismypatronass:

cocolooo:

deanismypatronass:

cocolooo:

i love high contrast photos of fruit floating threateningly in the night

I don’t believe such a thing exists

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I was mistaken

debilitati0n:

bettervillains:

life-at-taco-bell:

You would think that teenagers would be the rudest customers when really it’s mostly old, middle-aged people. 

  

The elderly are either adorable or the wrinkly reincarnation of Satan there is no in between

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